A fresh, sober approach?

A girlfriend of mine is currently undergoing a two month state of sobriety. She feels that Christmas and New Year, combined with some less than favourable outcomes with potential partners, made for a personal intervention. She has done amazingly well considering she is an absolute trash bag and admits that her self confidence and ability to engage men becomes exponential after consuming two bottles of white. To her credit, she is still coming to pubs, still going on dates and going to all the music festivals happening during the two month period.

This has made for an extremely interesting social experiment. To me, it seems absolutely abhorrent and alien, and I have no desire to torment myself with an alcohol-free two months. However some quite startling results have come to light.  Despite her obvious clear skin, clear eyes, trim hips and overall improved well being, my friend, who for reasons on anonymity will be called Sharon, has become a very useful observer and informant.

Gender revolution: Should FEMALES make the first move?

Ladies! Maybe you can help me out here?

Keeping in mind that meeting strangers of the opposite sex in a nightclub or bar isn’t the best place to find the love of your life, why do you females insist on NEVER making the first move? Why do us blokes have to stick our necks time after time, approach a girl, think of something amusing to say and wait to see if we’re going to be shot down in flames- sometimes in the most humiliating way? Even when a girl makes it perfectly obvious that she thinks a guys cute she’ll stay where she is and expect the man to try to kick off a conversation and then get pissed off when he doesn’t!
 
According to my trusty netowork, apparently more and more girls are taking the iniative and chatting up blokes. But lets be honest, you’re talking about a tiny percentage, bascially negligible.
 
I don’t know if you girls realise it, but it takes a lot of courage to go up a girl and risk being knocked back, especially if you’ve only had one or two beers and aren’t slurring your words and spitting all over her face. It also appears that quite a few women these days have mastered the art of barring guys by being exceptionally rude, humiliating and condescending. Okay, I understand its a defence mechanism against drunk, disgusting males who won’t take no for an answer. However, I know plenty of guys who aren’t like that and yet they still seem to face a lack of common manners.
 
I just want to let girls know that most blokes think it’s really cool when the female sex chats them up, so its about time that females stepped up to the plate and show a bit more courage. Also ( and this is directed at the minority of women – you know who you are! ), being a complete bitch to just about every guy that tries to ask you your name isn’t the way to be in my opinion. A polite but firm refusal works just fine.

Would you call a girl if she ‘put out’ on the first date?

Charlie I think that you are spot on with your previous response about the two-to three day window before calling after your first date. I rarely appreciate a call back the next day in the general sense. However, ironically, if you happen to ‘sleep over’ after that fateful night you previously described in a bar, then women really crave some contact. Perhaps this is mainly to dispel the worry we have that it was just all about the booty call, and they are not ‘into’ us – perhaps it’s because we are a bit emotionally committed.

Thus, girls the age old rule, you can’t put out. You just can’t.

I have been in this position. You agonize, watching the phone, try tuning it off; even calling it to make sure it is still working. And still it doesn’t ring… Conversely I have also had long term partners whom I slept with on the first date.

Answer this for me Chucky, would you call a girl back if she put out on the first date?

The aforementioned question receives a great deal of discussion from my girlfriends.

A matter of interest

I believe that the probability of a guy calling you boils down to a matter of interest. If  he really likes you (preferably one you haven’t met in a nightclub or pub) he’ll generally call when he says he will. If he doesn’t, then it’s a pretty good measurement of how interested he is. As Greg Behrendt’s book goes… maybe He’s Just Not That Into You?

Secondly, I’m of the belief that meeting the opposite sex in a bar spells trouble, because you’re usually dealing with someone on the hunt for a shag

We are just as baffled as you.

We are just as baffled as you.

I know Charlie, easy for me to say, as I sit here with a uterus, but although I understand your quandary, it is very much the same argument for women. What do you want?!

Meet Immy

I’m your regular 25 year-old single girl, with regular tastes, insecurities and hang ups about men.

I date. Some may say I date a lot.

I am good at dating. I know that because I can go to dinner (take last Thursday for example), talk to a man for anywhere up to four hours, listen to his mundane stories about his mundane job and even laugh at his mundane jokes. I then get the text message the next day, “So I have not heard from you. What happened? I thought we had an awesome time.” Don’t get me wrong, I often act like a guy would in many cases. Actually come to think of it, I was the guy last Thursday.

So here I am trying a new approach.

Meet Charlie

Argh the dating game!

I’ve certainly had my share of ups and downs. Possibly more downs than ups but who’s counting anyway? I’ve had some pretty intense relationships along the way but nothing that’s lasted more than two-and-a-half years and generally with girls who live in far off countries. You kind of make things hard for yourself when you fall in love with a Norwegian who wants to stay in Norway while you desperately want to come back to the white sandy beaches of Australia! And long distance relationships. You can forget them! Absence may make the heart grow fonder but if you can’t reach out and physically touch someone, well, what’s the point?

So, what do I look for in a woman? I suppose I’d be a bold face liar if I said that physical attraction doesn’t count for anything. I’m not out searching for a super model but I do like a woman who takes care of herself. I am extremely attracted to independent, career-minded women who have their own goals and ambitions. However, over and above everything I love girls that smile all the time and have a kind heart. These two things for me are really powerful aphrodisiacs.

I’ve spent the last nine years overseas and I must admit that it’s tougher than I thought it would be to meet girls in Sydney. I’m starting to get pretty sick and tired of meeting or trying to meet women in pubs and nightclubs. It’s just too impersonal and in my experience it has never led anything meaningful. Not just that but you set yourself up for some positively brutal knock backs.

So, that then begs the question, where does one meet girls if you’re a single guy?